there IS hope

Buddies,

Th state I live in is one o th reddest o th red states.  Maybe Idaho & Wyoming are reddr — but only by a little, and thats probly it.  In fackt, my state is a lot reddr now than it was when I movd here some twenny years ago.  Back then, we had a Democrap govner, two Democrap senatrs, and one o th three cngressional districks was represennid by a Democrap in Washinton.  Now, we gots a Repudlickin govner, one Repudlickin senatr (Chuck Hagel) and a Democrap senatr (Ben Nelson) who might as well be a Repudlickr, and th Repudlickers got a clean sweepski in th ol House o Represennatives.

And heres th thing: th Democrap Party here is pracktickly pushin up daisys.  I mean, they aint evn got a decent farm-systm! Democrapprs that get elecktd to state legislature and local orfices eithr cling to em orfices fer dear life, or dcide they aint intrestd in poleticks no more.  And I wish you coud see some o th nutjobs that end up runnin in Democrap primarys out here — one of em was a homeless guy livin down on th bank o th Platte Rivr!  I mean, why th heck NOT?

Th rsult o all this is that, when it comes to high-profile orfices, a numnut like Ben Nelson is th bes th Democrapprs can do.  I wish yous coud see me a-holdin my nose when I cast a vote fer this guy.  I mean, I gotta tell myself things like, “Im votin fer a Democrap-cntrolld Senate,” cause I sure aint votin fer THIS yo-yo.  And while I dont think I coud evr atchualy cast a vote fer Repudlickr Chuck Hagel, a gots FAR MORE RSPECKT fer Chuck Hagel than I do fer Ben Nelson.  Chuck Hagel gots GUTS, dontee?  He may be a Repudlickr, but he aint no Repudlickin bootlickr!  Jus ask Presdent Bush!

Anyhow, what promptd me to write this post is th fackt that it was announcd a while back that Chuck Hagel will not be seekin re-elecktion in 2008.  When I heard that, my heart sank.  My thinkin was, “If we gotta have a Repudlickr fer a senatr, best to have a mavrick Repudlickr like Chuck Hagel.”  See, while th Democrapprs gots a crappy farm-systm, th Repudlickrs gots th well-oild machine.  Repudlickin orfice-holdrs pretty much jus gotta wait their turn to be govner, congressman, senatr, whatevr.  And there aint too many o these fokes that AINT Bushie bootlickrs!

Despairin, I said in a moment o wishfl thinkin, “This seats goin to one o THEM — unless Bob Kerrey dcides to come back.”  Remembr Bob Kerrey?  No, he aint th presdential losr from 2004.  That was John Kerry from Massachushitts.  Bob Kerrey ran fer th Democrap nomination fer presdent back in 1992, losin eventualy to Bill Clintn.  Bob Kerrey, howevr, was th one who intrducd healf-care rform as a majr national issue back in that 1992 primary run.

Bob Kerrey was th Democrap govner when I firs movd to this state.  Shortly aftr I movd here, one o our two Democrap senatrs croakd in office and was replacd by a Repudlickr namd by Bob Kerreys Repudlickin sucksessor.  Bob Kerrey then ran against th anointd Repudlickr and beat im.  He servd two terms in th Senate bfore leavin to serve as Presdent o th New Sckool in New York.

Well, fokes, not long aftr Hagels rtirement was announcd, Bob Kerrey announcd he WOUD seek th seat!  There IS hope fer a Democrap pick-up there!  Watch this race, fokes!

And if yer REALY intrestd, you can check to see if Polanski knows what hes talkin about when he tells ya bout th local Repudlickin machine.  Im a-gonna tell ya right now whos a-gonna be runnin fer th Repudlickin nomination to suckseed Hagel.

1. Jon Bruning: Jon Bruning is th states Attorny Genral.  That hes a-gonna run aint realy no predicktion on my part.  Hes awready announcd a intention to challenge Hagel fer th Repudlickin nomination, back bfore Hagel announcd that he woud not seek re-elecktion.  Tis a no-brainr, therefore, that Bruning will run, now that Hagels out.
2. Mike Johanns: Mike Johanns went from mayr o th captal city to govner.  He gave up th govnership when Presdent Bush askd im t serve as Seckratary o Agriculture.  Since he aint likely to get to keep that post, and since he dint get to finish his govnerin, Im guessin hell try fer that senate seat.  Havin awready won a high-profile state orfice, hell probly be a early favorit.
3. Jeff Fortenberry: Jeff Fortenberry represents my districkt in Congress.  I think hes in his seckon term now.  Bfore he won that seat, he won a seat on th City Councl in Linkum, th captal city.  Evn tho he wunt realy from Linkum, he won th seat because big-money intrests wannid im in.  Hell be a well-heeld cannidate fer whatevr seat he runs for.  I suspeckt hell try fer th senate seat, and if he dont get that, hell try fer th govnership in 2010.
4. Don Stenberg: Okay, maybe Don Stenbergs tired o tryin & gettin beat.  He won th Repudlickin nomination and lost th elecktion to Ben Nelson back in 2000.  He tryd fer th nomination back in 1996 and lost it to Chuck Hagel.  Most recently, he tryd fer th nomination, sos he coud challenge Nelson in 2006. H e lost again.  Fokes round here always liked im cause hes, like, a totl knee-jerk cnservative; but his two non-elecktion-relatd flirtations wif th national spotlight had im lookin like a totl losr.  His vigrous press fer th resumption o th deaff pennalty led to a episode o 48 Hours in which some rporter made a tard outta him.  His championing a ban on partial-birf abortion led to a Spreme Court case in which his bloved law was struckd down.  Anyhow, Stenberg might run because … well … cause thats what he does, I guess.  But, like I said, maybe he knows th jig is up fer him.
5. Dave Heineman: Dave Heineman is th current govner.  He ascended to th govnership when Mike Johanns left fer Washinton.  Until recently, I wouda said that he aint got th high-profile to be a viable cannidate fer th senate seat; but what happmd recently is that when he ran fer th Repudlickin nomination fer govner in 2006, he scord a MAJR upset by beatin Tom Osborne, who was recently namd God out in these parts.  See, Tom was a congressman from th westrn part of th state; but BFORE that, he was th head coach o th Nebraski Cornhuskrs — and collidge foopball is th state rligion.  Tom won a hanful o national champeenships back when he was coach, so evryone figgrd anything in th state was his fer th askin.  He won his two cngressional elecktions handily, but Dave Heineman had a little srprise fer im in th Repudlickin primary fer govner.
6. Tom Osborne: Coach Tom coud run, I guess; but hes now old as dirt, so he may not have th staminer fer anothr elecktion.  Also, in case ya aint been followin, th Nebraski Cornhuskrs been suckin lately and, in a effert to turn things round, Tom been named interim Athletick Drecktr at th University.  He may end up holdin that job till e takes up th grave.

So watch this elecktion, from primary thru Novembr 2008.  And watch to see if Joey Polanski dont end up wif a little face-time on MSNBC — probly gettin Hardballd by Chris Maffews.