lit

Buddies,

Youd have no way o knowin this, but I sorta quit drinkin back in January — jus shortly aftr th hollydays.  There wunt realy nothin to necessitate such a acktion.  I mean, it wunt as if my lifeski was falllin apart cause I was drinkin.  I dint get in no trouble wit th lawski, and I done my job as well as I evr done.  I nevr suffr no ill effecks from drinkin neithr.  I awready done toldjas how Im a sientifick drinkr — I know howta do it sos there aint no negative effecks on healf; and I think maybe I done toldjas that Im what yad call a mellow drunk — when Im loaded, th las think I wanna do is fight, or fuck, or anything that might feel … well … sorta like werk.  And, since Im pretty conscientios about livin up to my rsponsibilitys, I nevr done no drinkin when Im a-spposta be workin.

In short, I alwys been, like, th most rsponsible drunk youd evr wanna meet.

So, then, whyd I quit drinkin back in January?  Three reasns, realy.  Two ubm is rootd in th fackt that my tasts in alkohol have shiftd tward th rich and th expensive.  As I think I said onct upon a time, I aint nevr seen no sense in drinkin alkohol cept to get drunkski; and so I figgrd if Im gonna drink, Id best be drinkin stuff thats, like, POWRFUL.  So I got to where I cant drink reggalr beer no more — th Anheusr – Busch shit.  It dont tast as good as th stuff I growd fond of, and it dont get me drunkski.  And when it comes to th HARD stuff, aint no sense drinkin th 80 proof shit neithr.  Gotta go fer th near 100 or bettr.

Thing is, all that good stuffs WAY too pricy and way too fattning.  So one o th reasns I done quit is cause I jus startd seein bettr things to do wif my money, and anothr o th reasns is that I just dont wanna flab out.

Third reasn is this: I gots some friends who DO gots, like, serios problems rootd in alkohol abuse, and I thougt I shoud try to support their efferts to beat th bottle by abstainin my own dangd self.

But I had some vacation time here in th munth o July, and my friends wit th problems was all spendin th Summr away; and so I dcided I was gonna load up and get totly LIT.  And, Buddies, I did jus thatski!  No shitski.  Stoopifyd myself sevral times, always employin em famous Polanski principples, always doin it rightski.

And dya know what?  I jus dint enjoy it.  At th peak o th buzz, I jus found myself sayin, “I gotta get sobr.”  No.  In fackt I was sayin, “I wish I was sobr awready.”  Las few times I got lit, it felt like I was dischargin a duty o some kind.  Like Id bought th dangd hooch, and now I HADTA drink it.  I was rlieved when I finaly fisnishd th dangd stuff.

So Im givin it up again — maybe not fer good, but probly.  Aint no sense in it, if it aint, yknow, FUN.  Im pretty sure I wont miss it.  Aftr all, th best cocktail is always three parts fun and one part paff-o-least-rsistance, rightski?